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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27664982">Go Easy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoudicaMuse/pseuds/BoudicaMuse'>BoudicaMuse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fix-It, Hopeful Ending, Hotel Sex, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:41:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,533</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27664982</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoudicaMuse/pseuds/BoudicaMuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Usually when people talked about needing time and space in a relationship, it was about separation. There was something skewed about the way they were using time and space to try to fuse their torn relationship back together. But they were both outliers, weren't they? It made a strange sort of sense that they wouldn't take the well-travelled path to break up or make up or wherever they ended up.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Max and Liz finally get their road trip.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Max Evans/Liz Ortecho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm new to this fandom and totally obsessed, but like probably most of you, I got to the end of season two and just kind of threw my hands up in frustration. So I asked myself, what if we just changed the last five minutes? I have a pretty good idea of how season 3 will start out and I'm hoping this will act as a bridge between seasons 2 and 3, just with our Echo babies in a happier place.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>

</p><p>The streetlights stretched back in an endless row in Liz’s rearview mirror, leading her east. Toward Max and the only place that had felt like home in over a decade. But "home" wasn't a concept that sat well with Liz. It hadn’t been since Rosa died and her sister’s resurrection hadn’t brought back some buried homebody instinct in Liz’s heart. </p><p>She was a nomad, a seeker of the truth. She’d learned a lot of new truths in the past year, made sense of the incomprehensible time and time again, and the most important thing she’d learned in that time was that Liz Ortecho would never be satisfied with the status quo. </p><p>She had to go. She had to. </p><p>A streetlight flickered a block away, a single wink of light that Liz caught only because she was still looking back. She had to go, but she didn’t have to leave it like this.</p>
<hr/><p>Part of the reason Max picked a house so far out from town was that he liked the way you could always see someone coming from a mile off. The dirt road kicked up a hell of a dust cloud in the daylight and at night any approaching car’s headlights gave him plenty of warning. It used to be he’d use the time to put on a happy face. To hide the whiskey bottle and the ache of loneliness in his heart. </p><p>This time there was no urge to put on a mask to cover up his annoyance. Whoever was coming knew he wanted to be alone and the sooner he drove them away, the sooner he could be alone with his memories. Both the ones just out of his grasp and the ones he couldn’t let go of. No matter how much better it would be for him if he could. </p><p>The knock on the door didn't make him get up or even look up. It wasn't Isobel or Michael on the other side and they were about the only people he’d be willing to push through this fog of swirling thoughts to speak to. </p><p>“Max?”</p><p>Well, alright. There was one more person on the list, but she wasn't supposed to be there. </p><p>“Max, I know you’re in there. Your car’s out front and the light’s on and I swear to god, if you’re hurt or unconscious because of some stupid alien thing again—”</p><p>He swung the door open, freezing Liz's hands and mouth mid-lecture. She looked tired, and sad in a bone deep kind of way, even though there was all her usual fire on the surface. And beautiful. She always looked beautiful.</p><p>“I’m fine.” It came out with less bite than he would have thought considering where they'd left things last time. “You’re supposed to be long gone by now.”</p><p>“I am. I should be. But I wanted to say goodbye this time. No matter how pissed I am, you still deserve that. You always did.” </p><p>There was a shadow of shame in her eyes at that first, lost goodbye and the sharp edges of his anger turned inward. Those memories surrounding Rosa's death were always going to cut both ways. Max held the door wider, letting her in even though he knew he was just prolonging the pain. </p><p>“Debatable. I’m not sure what’s left to say anyway.”</p><p>“What, I don't even deserve a ‘good luck?'” </p><p>And so much for goodbyes. Looked like this was just going to be another fight with the way she was already sparking with irritation. Max could feel the echo of it clawing at the back of his throat. </p><p>“You don’t need it. You’re gonna be just fine and so will I.” After all, he’d learned to live with half a heart before.</p><p>“No. I guess I don’t.” She pressed her hands to her forehead and looked away, all her annoyance turned inward now. “¡Estúpida! I don’t know what I was thinking coming here.”</p><p>“Why did you? For some kind of blessing to leave so you won’t hate yourself for cutting and running the second things got bad again?”</p><p>Liz reared back, tears filling her eyes, more hurt than angry now. “I don’t know, maybe! I told you this would happen, Max.” She sniffed and shook her head. “I guess it’s for the best. I told you not to let me go easily, but here we are and you don't seem to be taking it too hard.”</p><p>“Not <i>hard</i>? You think it’s not hard on me to watch the love of my life leave for a second time without even a glance back in my direction?”</p><p>“I’m here, aren’t I?" Liz jabbed her finger at the ground, her chin tilted up in defiance. "This is more than just a glance.”</p><p>“And I'm supposed to, what? Beg you to stay?”</p><p>“Maybe.” She wrapped her arms around herself and it took all the strength of will Max had not to take her into his own arms. “I don’t know anymore. Rosa seemed so sure we’d work things out, but we can’t do that if you don’t even want to try.”</p><p>As if what Max wanted was ever on her or anyone else’s radar. </p><p>“You said you hated the idea of being in love with me.” He tried to cover up the depth of his hurt, but the pain Liz had caused him had dug a deep, deep well and he could hear the splash of the memory in the spaces between his words.</p><p>“I do." Her face twisted up with that same anguished look she'd given him when she said it the first time, but her voice was much softer now. "But I don’t hate you, Max. I hate what this love has done to me. To both of us.”</p><p>Their love had driven them both to do unthinkable things. Broken them again and again. And still, Max knew he would never be able to let go of it. If he could spend ten years with nothing more than the lost possibility of Liz Ortecho loving him back to get him out of bed in the morning, he knew the rest of his life would be steeped in the same sort of heartsickness now that he’d actually experienced her love in return. </p><p>He was already lost, but Liz didn't have to be. </p><p>“You’re right. We’ve both made mistakes. And some of them, I just don’t think I can forgive.”</p><p>"Ever?" </p><p>She was pissed again. Defensive. Selfish. And all it did was remind him how much he loved her anyway.</p><p>"I don't know about that. But we can't just pretend this away, Liz."</p><p>"That's not what I'm asking for!"</p><p>"Then what are you asking? Why are you really here? I want you to stay, to work this out, to love me the way that I will <i>always</i> love you. But I won't beg for any of that when what you really want to do is leave and be your own person."</p><p>"You're right, I can't stay. But you said you would follow me—”</p><p>"No. I can't."</p><p>Liz went on, talking over him like if she could just drown him out, then his objections would dissolve into nothing. </p><p>"Anywhere. You said all you've ever wanted was to change your plans for me."</p><p>"I was 17, Liz!" But it was true then and it was true five hours ago and it would be true now if not for the glass vial burning a hole in his pocket. "I'm so close to discovering the truth about my past."</p><p>Her voice turned pleading. "It's waited seventy years, it can't wait another week?"</p><p>"You're not going on some vacation, you're leaving for good."</p><p>"I'm leaving no matter what because if I don't get out of this town within the hour I feel like my brain is going to explode. But it doesn't have to be forever. Give me a reason to come back."</p><p>The touch of her hand on his arm made him want to promise her anything. But the only thing that could keep her from her dreams now was the promise of a brighter one and that he couldn't, <i>wouldn't</i>, do.</p><p>"I can't give you the one you want. I won't let you use us as lab rats for your own glory."</p><p>There was a flare of barely suppressed rage behind her eyes and then she turned on her heel and headed for his bedroom. </p><p>"Liz?"</p><p>There was a long, blurry moment where Max was dumb enough to hope this was the lead up to them working out their frustrations on each other in bed. But when his feet finally got the memo his stuttering heart was sending and followed her in there, Liz wasn't naked. She was packing.</p><p>"We need time to work this out, right? Well, it's nineteen hours to Palo Alto." Her hands stopped stuffing his duffle full of whatever clothes were closest to wave away an argument he hadn't even given voice to. "Two days, really. I'm not insane."</p><p>That was debatable, too, but Max knew better than to say it out loud this time. She wanted to work things out. She was trying and he knew it was an effort she'd never once put into any of her previous relationships. But it wasn't as easy for him to just pick up and leave as it was for her.</p><p>"I have work."</p><p>That was easily brushed aside—Maria would give him the time off if Liz asked—as were the half a dozen other excuses he had not to follow her. But even as he kept coming up with reasons not to go, his feet and his heart kept pace with Liz as she swept through his house, pulling together a bag of everything he would need for a last minute road trip. Because she was right, he would follow her anywhere. Even now.</p><p>Once they were in the car, though, Liz seemed to run out of steam with her plan. Her words dried up and there was nothing between them but the silence of broken promises and the <i>tap, tap, tap</i>, of Liz's fingers on the steering wheel. They made it all the way onto 285 North before Max couldn't take the awkward, tense silence anymore. </p><p>"So what do you want to talk about first? Your grievous breach of ethics or my rage issues?"</p><p>If looks could kill, Max would be reduced to goo, dripping into Liz's center console and ruining her upholstery. The laser eyes didn't quite do it, but the acid in her voice was there to finish the job.</p><p>"How about you pick some music and we can talk once we make our first pit stop?"</p><p>Max shook his head and pulled out his phone, but typed out a text instead of pulling up a playlist. Just in case something happened while he was away, someone should know where he was.</p><p>"What are you doing?"</p><p>"Texting Sheriff Valenti to let her know you've kidnapped me."</p><p>Faster than he would have guessed she was capable, Liz snatched the phone from him and tossed it over her shoulder. It landed somewhere behind the back seats, where it could slide around in the trunk between her boxed up life.</p><p>"Jesus, it was a <i>joke</i>."</p><p>Liz sent him an apologetic glance out of the corner of her eye. He'd almost forgotten what that could look like on her face. She wasn't sorry about much these days. "It didn't sound like a joke."</p><p>"I texted Isobel. She probably won't even see it 'til morning." He reached out to nudge her leg and thought better of it, crossing his arms over the seatbelt instead. "You said you wanted to talk, Liz."</p><p>"I do. Away from Roswell. Far enough away that some extra-terrestrial emergency can't interrupt." Her hands tightened on the steering wheel for a moment, but then all the fight went out of her in a rush. "We need time, but I think we need the space just as much."</p><p>Usually when people talked about needing time and space in a relationship, it was about separation. There was something skewed about the way they were using time and space to try to fuse their torn relationship back together. But they were both outliers, weren't they? It made a strange sort of sense that they wouldn't take the well-travelled path to break up or make up or wherever they ended up.</p><p>Liz picked up her own phone and found Spotify without even taking her eyes off the road, but when she offered the phone to him, there was that glimmer of apology again. It was as close to a truce as they were gonna get and Max was so tired. He had nineteen hours—two days, really—to plead his case and hear hers. For the moment he could pick a playlist and use the time to formulate his arguments.</p>
<hr/><p>Max had put on one of her road trip playlists—the one that had taken Liz out of Denver, though he’d have no way of knowing that—before slumping against the passenger side window and pretending to sleep. His breathing never evened out and she knew he was just using it as an excuse to avoid her stubborn silence. </p><p>That was more than fine with Liz. It wasn’t like they could talk about the weather with all the other unsaid words hanging over them. She didn’t even know what she was going to say when they reached her arbitrarily chosen landmark. She just hoped they had enough gas to get to Albuquerque and then she could suggest they find a motel for the night. Start again in the morning. If things really worked out in her favor, she could keep putting off the discussion until they hit the coast. </p><p>Things never went quite that well for her, though. They’d have to get into it sometime and wasn’t that the whole point of dragging him along with her? She just didn’t know what to say.</p><p>
  <i>Our love is stripping away my identity.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to hide away in Roswell-freaking-New Mexico. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>I will never love you as much as I love my work.</i>
</p><p>That last one sounded exactly like something she’d blurt out in the heat of the moment. Harsh and meant to hurt, but ultimately untrue.</p><p>No, if Liz was going to do this, she needed to be completely honest about how she felt. About her work, about her place in the world, and most importantly, about Max. The problem was that while Liz’s brain was capable of great things—awesome in the traditional sense of the word—she’d never had a grasp of the English language the way Max did. Something always came out wrong. Twisted. </p><p>“There’s a truck stop at the next exit.”</p><p>Liz jumped. She knew he’d only been pretending to sleep. </p><p>“I still have half a tank left and we’re only an hour away from Albuquerque. I was thinking we could stop there for the night. Head out again once we’ve gotten some sleep.”</p><p>“I need to eat. Someone abducted me right before I could make dinner.” He stretched as much as he could, his large frame encroaching into her space just long enough to wish he’d reach out that extra inch and touch her. “And I have to pee.”</p><p>Oh, he did not. But if the smug grin he was giving her was any indication, he knew she <i>did</i>. She’d been prepared to hold it, but okay, <i>fine</i>. A truck stop on the side of the highway was as good a place as any to have this fight.</p><p>It was brightly lit and bustling despite the time of night. They separated as soon as she parked by mutual, silent agreement, but after a long, hard stare at herself in the bathroom mirror, Liz was ready to face him again. He could hit her with whatever carefully crafted, soul-rending words he’d come up with on the drive. Her armor was back on.</p><p>She found him leaning against the hood of her car, a paper cup of coffee in each hand, and he held one out like the peace offering it clearly was. His eyes lingered on the red on her lips for a moment and he shook his head with a rueful grin.</p><p>“I don’t want to fight, Liz. However we’re gonna do this, I’m tired of fighting.”</p><p>“I don’t know how to do it any other way. I’m still pretty pissed at you.”</p><p>“Yeah, so am I.” He set his coffee down and took her hand in both of his. “We made a mess of things, but I haven’t stopped loving you once in almost twenty years. I don’t see that changing any time soon.”</p><p>“You sure about that? You act like my research makes me some kind of monster.”</p><p>“You are…" he paused, not grasping for words the way she would have, but weighing whether he wanted to say them, "all of my worst fears come true. A brilliant scientist treating us like specimens, dissecting us, breaking us down into components that you can exploit and use. It’s terrifying.”</p><p>It was nothing he hadn’t already said, but it was all the more painful hearing it without the heat of his anger. All the heat was in his hands, wrapped around hers in a loving caress. He loved her and she terrified him. At least she wasn't alone in that feeling.</p><p>“Max, I never would have put your family in danger. <i>Never</i>.”</p><p>“But you already did. Don’t you see that? Even if you never went public with the knowledge you gained, even if you only used what you learned to help us and only us, the very existence of that knowledge puts us at risk.”</p><p>Liz rolled her eyes and pulled her hand away. “This is about Diego again.”</p><p>“It’s about more than just Diego, but yeah, that's part of it. There’s something off about him. Something more to why he came back and you just—you have this blind faith in him that makes no sense to me.”</p><p>Liz wanted to scream in frustration. It would be so much easier to deal with Max's delusions about Diego and his supposed nefarious schemes if they weren't being fed by this ridiculous jealousy. She thought she'd made it clear that Max was far and away the superior boyfriend, but right now she was wishing she'd saved her breath.</p><p>“I don’t. I have only ever felt that way about one person, Max, and it was <i>you</i>. I trust Diego because he’s proven that he is trustworthy. Because he is not the one asking me to hide part of myself away.”</p><p>Max's voice was rough with anger. “My DNA is not the only thing you can study. It’s not the only way you can change the world.”</p><p>“No, of course it isn’t. But it is the fastest. The surest bet. And to keep it from a planet full of seven billion suffering people is selfish.” Max flinched away from her, his eyes wounded, and she knew he was thinking of those four names he’d committed to memory. Good. But she wasn’t done yet. “I can help them. I can save people from an early, painful death and who knows what else? We’ve only touched the surface of what alien cells can do.”</p><p>Max shot a quick look around them, but they were just as alone amidst the comings and goings of long haul truckers and tired travelers as they were before. He took a step closer anyway, close enough that she could feel the heat rolling off his body and smell the rain on his skin. </p><p>“There’s no way any of that happens without the wrong people finding out the truth about what I am. Saving countless strangers would mean sacrificing me and my family. Now maybe that’s a fair price for you, but it’s not something I can ever, <i>ever</i> allow.”</p><p>Liz stared, speechless. Did he not remember the lengths she had gone to to bring him back? He hadn’t been there to see how much the sacrifice he <i>had</i> allowed wrecked her, but she’d told him again and again how much it had hurt her. And now he thought she would just toss away not only his life, but Isobel’s and Michael’s, too? Or <i>Maria’s</i>?</p><p>She really was a monster to him. </p><p>Whatever her face gave away made Max's eyes and voice go soft and he held out his hand. “Give me your keys. I’ll drive the next leg so you can get some sleep.”</p><p>A monster, but not one he’d given up on yet. Wordlessly, Liz handed over the keys.</p>
<hr/><p>The real heart of the problem, as Max saw it, was that neither of them knew what the hell they were doing. There wasn't a single stable, loving relationship in their collective memory. Every long term relationship either of them had ever known had been infected with affairs or lies or murder. True love was a thing that only existed on the page and even that was rare.</p><p>If they wanted this to work, they'd need to draw their own blueprints and lay the foundation themselves. And again, Max was worse than clueless on where to begin. Even after all his hours behind the wheel, with nothing but Liz's soft, slow breathing and the radio turned down low to interrupt his thoughts, he didn't have so much as a first step back to what they had.</p><p>One song ended and another began and Max pressed the skip button on the steering wheel only three bars in. Even if he wasn't fighting with Liz, he'd had enough of Bright Eyes to last a lifetime. He'd ruined it by clinging so desperately to it while he was in the pod. </p><p>Liz raised her sleepy head from her balled up sweater. "Wait, go back. I like that song."</p><p>Max sighed and toggled back, resigned to the knife twisting just a bit deeper. There he was agonizing over some song he'd hung all his teenage hopes and dreams on and she just thought it sounded nice.</p><p>"Do you remember?" She sounded halfway into a dream and when he shot a look over at her, her eyes were closed, a small smile on her lips. "We danced to this."</p><p>"Of course I remember." It was the happiest moment of his life up until the morning he'd spread her out on his sheets, her black hair turning brown in the sunlight and her love for him ringing through their bond. </p><p>The chorus came in and Liz sang along, a little off key from how tired she was and her eyes still closed against the oncoming headlights. There was a hitch in her voice and when Max looked again, her eyes were squeezed shut and her cheeks were wet. Alarmed, he swerved onto the shoulder and slammed the car into park so he could pull her into his arms. They might still be pissed at each other, but he couldn't just sit there and let her cry without offering some sort of comfort.</p><p>"We were so happy, Max. Why does everything keep getting screwed up?"  </p><p>Her shoulders shook with muffled sobs while Max made shushing noises into her hair. They had been happy. For a while. But that happiness was an illusion bought with lies and he didn't know how to get it back now that they'd soured it all with truth.</p><p>"We made some bad decisions. Both of us."</p><p>She looked up at him with wet cheeks and that insatiable need for truth. "I know why I did what I did, but you destroyed months of my research without even <i>talking</i> to me. Why would you do that?"</p><p>Part of him wanted to apologize, to sweep everything under the rug and take all the blame for how bad things had gotten. Anything to get her to stop flooding his heart with her tears. But he wasn't sorry, not really. He’d do it again if he had to.</p><p>“There wasn’t time to make a discussion out of it. Diego was on the way to your lab and if he snuck a peek like he was saying he wanted to, if he learned what you were really working on—”</p><p>“Those are pretty big 'ifs,' Max.”</p><p>“I don’t think they are.”</p><p>“Alex secured the building and Diego is not some superhacker master thief.”</p><p>“He didn’t need to be.” Max could see her about to interrupt again, so he sped up, tripping through his words. “Just—Just for a second imagine I’m right, okay? Say he got through the security system, the one manufactured by the same company he works for, and he got into your lab. It would have taken him less than a minute to see you weren’t working on human specimens. And you know what happens next.”</p><p>“No, I don’t! You’re assuming that if he found out that he would turn you in, but he wouldn’t do that. He’s a good man.”</p><p>“But it would never stop at him. Just like telling you didn’t end with you.”</p><p>A brief flash of guilt crossed her face and he reached out and squeezed her hand. Those were old wounds and he wasn’t interested in reopening them.</p><p>“Keep imagining with me. What happens if the government gets concrete proof of who and what I am?”</p><p>Liz licked her lips and looked away. “It would be Caulfield all over again. Or worse.” </p><p>“Exactly. And how would you feel knowing it was your research that led to that?”</p><p>She pulled her hand away and tucked it away, crossing her arms and curling up against the door. “I get it, you made your point.”</p><p>Max took a long breath through his nose, still determined not to make this another fight. They were too good at hitting each other's pressure points and they always ended up dealing out more damage than was warranted.</p><p>“Look, it’s been a long night. You want me to find a motel?”</p><p>There was a pause and then Liz shook her head. “If we keep going we can make it to the Grand Canyon by sunrise. If you’re too tired to drive, I can take over.”</p><p>“No, I’m good.” </p><p>He’d grabbed an energy drink to chase his terrible truck stop coffee. Even without that he’d never be able to sleep with all the thoughts brewing in his mind, but they’d help keep his eyes from drifting off the road.</p><p>Liz closed her eyes again, to sleep or to pretend to, and Max was back to nothing but the music and the headlights on the highway to keep him company. Four hours down, fifteen to go, and he couldn’t even say if they’d made any progress. They’d managed to talk about it without yelling, that was something. But if neither of them gave any ground on who was right and who was wrong, they weren’t going to get any closer to a resolution. </p><p>Maybe all they were doing was dissecting something that was already dead. Violating and toying with the corpse of their relationship in some kind of misguided attempt to resurrect this, too.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They switched drivers again once they crossed the Arizona border. Max hadn’t wanted to, but Liz couldn’t sleep anyway and after he drifted into the rumble strips on the shoulder for the third time, she'd accused him of driving by braille and made him pull over. </p><p>The sun was just lighting up the rim of the canyon when they parked. The gates to the park weren’t open this early, but it was impossible to fence in the whole thing and Liz had been back enough times since her first visit that she knew where to go to get the best fee-free views by now.</p><p>She wasn’t surprised that Max was speechless beside her. Liz was always more than a little awed by the sight herself. What did surprise her was when he seemed to snap out of the awe and started a frantic search for his phone. </p><p>“Isobel ever respond?” she asked once he’d rescued it from the trunk of the car.</p><p>“Yeah. Nothing but a sarcastic thumbs up emoji, but you know if I hadn't told her I was leaving she'd have hunted us both down.”</p><p>“I didn’t realize an emoji could be sarcastic.”</p><p>“Hers can.” He turned away, distracted and trying to find the perfect camera angle down the length of the canyon, though everywhere they looked was overwhelming beauty.</p><p>Liz was never one for poetry, but something about the way the rising sun filled the canyon with light and painted the walls in stripes of color always made her wish she had the skill to describe how it made her feel. Lighter and more connected to the earth at the same time. Not spiritual exactly, but something like it. The closest thing she could compare it to was the way the church choir singing hymns at Christmas made her feel when she was a child. </p><p>Beside her, Max chuckled at something on his phone. “Knew this would make her freak out. We always wanted to come here when we were kids.”</p><p>“This is your first time?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Max slipped his phone into his pocket, the giddy smile chased away by his sad eyes. “It just didn’t have as much appeal without you by my side.”</p><p>She hadn’t forgotten their silly, teenage promise to kiss at the Grand Canyon. The memory resurfaced every time she came back. Sometimes it was a fond memory, sometimes bittersweet, but she’d let go of making it a reality a long time ago. And if she didn’t let it go right now, she was going to fall into the trap of thinking it could be real now. </p><p>“Well did you go anywhere else? I wasn’t the only one with wanderlust when we were kids.”</p><p>“No, you know I stayed in Roswell. I had to, for Isobel.”</p><p>“But she stopped having her blackouts after Rosa died. Or you could have gone somewhere together.”</p><p>“Our parents tried. They wanted to take us on some Caribbean cruise the year we turned 25. But Isobel refused. Said she had some kind of fundraiser to organize and she couldn’t possibly leave.” He laughed, but there was no joy behind it. “One day she wanted to see the world just as much as I did and the next she didn't and I didn't even question it."</p><p>"Oh, you mean you didn't guess that your sister's weird behavior was caused by a body snatching alien and not normal teen moodiness?"</p><p>Max laughed again, this time with a bit more feeling. “Yeah, well that weird behavior meant I could never risk leaving her, even for a weekend. And since she always wanted to stay in Roswell, that’s where I stayed, too.”</p><p>“So you missed out on all of it.”</p><p>Max shrugged, eyes on the canyon, but with about as much interest as if it were just a supersized pothole. He was looking, but whatever he was seeing wasn't in front of them.</p><p>“Maybe it’s not the life I wanted when I was 17 and dreaming of becoming the next great American novelist, but it was a good life. I was happy there.” He seemed to realize what he said and rushed to correct himself. “I <i>am</i> happy there.”</p><p>They’d lied to each other enough times now that Liz thought she could spot it this time. Maybe he had been happy, for a brief moment in time, but they’d ruined it. She’d ruined it. And now she had to fix it before she lost him for good.</p><p>“You could be happy somewhere else, too.” She took a slow, careful step closer. “Isobel doesn’t need you anymore, not in the way she used to, and neither does Michael. You can take all the time you need to find out who you were always meant to be.”</p><p>His hands found her hips and Liz swayed even closer. They’d spent an absurd amount of time together in this position. Both of them wanting so badly to kiss each other and knowing it was impossible for one reason or another. Eleven years later and their timing still sucked. One look at Max’s face confirmed he was on the same wavelength.</p><p>“I’m not going to find myself on a roadtrip and you know it. The answer to whoever I was meant to be, <i>really</i> meant to be, is locked in my memories. And I am so close, I can taste it.”</p><p>“So, what? Your life on Earth means nothing compared to some alien destiny you can’t even remember?”</p><p>“No, of course not. This life, my love for you, means everything to me. But if Noah was right and someone is coming for me, I need to be ready.” His hands tightened on her waist and his forehead pressed against hers, bringing his lips tantalizingly close. “I need to be able to protect the people I love.”</p><p>Oh, screw it. The timing sucked, but the time they did have was quickly running out and Liz didn’t want to waste it waiting for the perfect moment. Things had never been perfect between them and they never would be.</p><p>It was the easiest thing in the world to turn her lips into his and he met her kiss with a tentative one of his own. She curled her fingers into the zipper of his jacket and Max groaned low in his throat before the kiss deepened, overtaking her like a dam breaking. He slanted his mouth over hers again and again, mirroring and magnifying all of the desperation that she felt. It was overwhelming and all-consuming and the need for more, for <i>Max</i>, seeped into every part of her. </p><p>His thigh slid between hers and her lip caught on the sharp points of his teeth, dragging a soft moan out of her. The taste of petrichor clung to the back of her throat and everywhere he touched her, her skin buzzed with electricity. She couldn’t tell anymore if it was his powers fritzing out or if that was just what he did to her when he got like this. </p><p>The sudden intensity of what should have been a sweet welcome home was instead a reminder of the darkness lurking inside Max, that part of him she both craved and shied away from, and all at once it was too much. She tore herself away with a gasp, licking the taste of him off her lips.</p><p>“We’re not going to fix this by sleeping with each other.”</p><p>His mouth quirked into a smile, sharp and missing all of his usual humor. “What if we can’t fix it at all?”</p><p>Liz drew in a shaky breath. She hadn’t even wanted to think that yet, and here he was saying it loud enough they might hear it again in a few seconds, bounced off the canyon walls and thrown back in their faces. </p><p>“We can. We’ve been through too much together to throw it all away now.”</p><p>He looked at her. That was it, he just stared, but it felt like he’d reached into her chest and taken her heart into his hand like the cage around it wasn’t even there. One wrong move and he could squash it between his fingers and stop its beating forever. </p><p>“I’m not throwing anything away.” His voice was quiet and the pressure around Liz’s heart subsided. “I want to fix this, Liz. I just don’t know how.”</p><p>She held out her hand. “That’s okay. That’s why we’re here, right? We’ll figure it out.”</p><p>His hand closed around hers and when he pulled, she went willingly into his arms until she was tucked up under his chin.  Maria had called them puzzle pieces, but no matter how well their bodies fit together, the jagged edges of their personalities didn't line up quite so neatly.</p><p>Liz didn’t believe in soulmates or the idea that two people could be made for each other. She couldn’t when she didn’t believe there was anyone to do the making. As always, it wasn’t up to some divine creator to solve her problems. Liz would have to do it herself.</p>
<hr/><p>“We’re in Room 105.” Liz held out the second keycard, but Max didn’t take it.</p><p>“I thought sleeping with each other wasn’t going to solve our problems.”</p><p>“Sex won’t solve our problems, but actual sleep is probably going to help a lot.”</p><p>The front desk manager of the Flagstaff Best Western hadn’t commented on her wanting a room for two at seven in the morning, but the look he’d given her had said plenty. He could look all he wanted. Liz wasn’t about to spend money on an extra room when she was travelling with her boyfriend.</p><p>Because he was still. They’d had a fight and if she had run away without a goodbye again, that would have been the end of it. But she’d come back and they were going to work things out and that meant they weren’t broken up. They just weren’t.</p><p>Max glanced over at the glass box of the lobby. “I still think I should probably—”</p><p>“Dios mío, Max. It’s sleep. Just sleep.” Liz held her hands up. “I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself.”</p><p>He took a deep breath in through his nose, the look in his eyes shifting as he studied her face. Then he plucked the card out of her hand and bent close, his voice curling low and warm around her gut. </p><p>“Yeah, we’ll see how well that works out.”</p><p>He turned and headed for their room and Liz stared after him, speechless and frustrated. Maybe they did need a second room. Or maybe they just needed a couple hours and a flat surface to get it out of their system. She couldn’t think clearly about how mad she still was when all she really wanted to do was climb on top of him and ride him until they both passed out from exhaustion. </p><p>Unfortunately, she was so tired, that wouldn’t even be all that long. Sleep, they needed sleep. And then whatever happened when they woke up… happened. Liz snapped herself out of that thought and followed Max, ducking through the door he had courteously held open for her. </p><p>She stripped off her jacket and boots, striving for nonchalant and probably looking pretty awkward about it anyway. This was hardly the first time she’d undressed in front of him, but every movement felt so much more loaded now. Did she need to go put on some pajamas in the bathroom? Because even that seemed like too much effort. She just wanted to get out of her jeans and bra and crawl in between what were hopefully clean sheets. </p><p>At least the walls weren’t dripping with plastic, light-up chili peppers this time. </p><p>Max hovered just as uncertainly, looking and not looking at the same time. “You wanna shower?”</p><p>“Maybe once we wake up.”</p><p>He nodded and disappeared into the bathroom and Liz felt like she could actually breathe again without overanalyzing every exhale. The shower turned on just as her head hit the pillow and Liz closed her eyes, drifting off to the faint shush of it through the wall and trusting that everything would be clearer and less awkward in a few hours. They were going to figure this out. Together.</p>
<hr/><p>Max was tempted to stay in the shower all night, but the hot water didn’t last forever and Liz was breathing heavily and drooling into her pillow by the time he manned up and braved the bedroom again. Just as he’d hoped. </p><p>He laid down next to her, careful not to jostle her on the springy mattress, and stared up at the ceiling. It didn’t matter how tired he was, he was never going to get any sleep. He could already feel the irresistible urge to toss and turn building in his muscles, but he didn’t want to wake Liz. He’d just have to lay there and let his thoughts chase their tails in his head while her not-quite snores filled his ears. </p><p>Could have been a minute or a year that ticked by, Max clenching and unclenching his hands, just trying to find an outlet for the tension building in his limbs. This was never going to work. He had trouble getting comfortable in the best of circumstances. Laying on a stiff motel mattress with a tensed up Liz right next to him, one bare curve of leg peeking out from under the covers and taunting him, was anything but ideal.</p><p>He was used to the wanting, that was an old friend by now. It was the not having that was driving him crazy. He should be used to that, too. To a certain extent he was, but it was like a particularly nasty spider he’d escorted outside finding its way back in. Those few months he’d been able to touch and hold and kiss Liz whenever he wanted had been enough to make him forget just how awful resisting those urges felt. </p><p>She made a soft, sharp sound in her sleep, like whatever she was dreaming about hurt, and turned over onto her back to blink up at the ceiling. Max was already not moving, but he froze, afraid to even draw a breath. Didn’t matter, she turned her head and caught him watching her anyway.</p><p>“Alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, just a—” She bit off whatever she was going to say, pressing her lips together into a thin line. “The transplant didn’t work. You never woke up.”</p><p>It was a familiar dream for her. She didn’t have nightmares nearly as often as she should considering how much she’d been through in the past year, but when she did it was usually something like this. Something where she hadn’t done enough, hadn’t been as brilliant and unwavering as she was in her waking life. The scariest thing Liz Ortecho could imagine was failure. </p><p>“Hey, come here.” Max reached for her hand and pressed it to his bare chest, just to the left of his scar. “I’m here. You did exactly what you set out to do.”</p><p>“Not exactly. If it hadn’t been for Michael’s pacemaker—” </p><p>“Then I would have gotten my way and not come back at all, so either way it was a win.”</p><p>“Max, don’t even joke about that.” She looked at him with reproach, but her fingers tracing the ridge of scar tissue were full of reverence. “Those months without you was the worst time in my life. Worse than when my mom left, worse than when Rosa died even.”</p><p>“I know. I’m sorry.” He curled his hand around hers, just trying to offer comfort, and stiffened in surprise when Liz moved closer, laying her head on his chest. </p><p>“That’s why I can’t lose you again. Just knowing you’re alive and well should be enough, but I don’t think it is. I’ve always been fine on my own before, but I don’t want to just be <i>fine</i>.”</p><p>Max closed his eyes, allowing himself a slow wince of pain since she couldn’t see it. She couldn’t lose him, couldn’t let him go, couldn’t be anywhere less than the bleeding edge of regenerative medicine. Compromise was unacceptable, <i>unfathomable</i>, to her and she’d remake reality however she saw fit in order to make it align with her wants and needs. </p><p>That was why he was there, halfway to California with Liz wrapped around him like an octopus when he had a journey of his own he should be on back in Roswell. She’d never change her plans for a man, so she’d just made him change his instead. </p><p>Time and time again, he was happy to do it. Happy to give her every part of himself and receive only her love in return. But how much of himself could he give over to her until there was nothing left of Max Evans?</p><p>Her breath evened out again into warm puffs of air across his chest and Max stroked her back, easing the tension out of her shoulders with his touch, out of habit more than anything. She fit in his arms the way no one else ever had. Like there was a hollow in him carved out just for her. He just didn’t know if it was him or her who was responsible for whittling that space away.</p>
<hr/><p>Waking felt wrong and too right all at the same time. The wrong kind of light peeking through the blackout curtains and Liz's hair in his face when she wasn't supposed to be there at all. But she was there. Warm and soft and pliant under his fingertips. If she was there, then his dream of her driving away from him must have been a lie. If she was there, everything must still be okay between them. </p><p>She made a soft noise in her sleep and rubbed her face on the pillow, wiggling her hips back into his and chasing his bad dreams away. It still didn't feel like home, but this was how they always started their mornings when she slept over. This part was very, very right. </p><p>He groaned and tightened his hand on her hip, rolling half on top of her and grinding his cock into the cleft of her ass. Her panties were loose and scrunched under his hand and he knew just by the feel of them they had to be the bright pink ones with a lipstick kiss print on the cheek. The damn things were hideous but they gave him lots of room to slip his hand inside and massage the generous curve of her ass.</p><p>His mouth found her shoulder, her skin sleep-warm and salty under his tongue, and he felt her waking underneath him, rolling her hips to meet his and breathing out the kind of moans that never failed to take Max from morning wood to full attention. This was exactly the kind of wake up that could keep him from thinking too hard about where they were and why.</p><p>Those panties, though. She'd won them at a bachelorette party and more or less hated them except for sleeping or when she was on her period. She'd told him once they might as well have "no sex tonight" printed on the ass because if she was wearing them, she wasn't in the mood.</p><p>The last twenty-four hours all came rushing back like he'd been doused with cold water and Max froze, his wandering hands stopping just short of the soft, wet heat they'd been seeking out. Maybe she was still mostly asleep and they could just pretend this had never happened.</p><p>"Don't stop." She gritted out the words, arching her back and pushing their hips together.</p><p>So much for pretending. </p><p>"We said this wasn’t gonna happen." It was a bad idea. Too tempting to pretend all the bad things away. </p><p>“We lied.”</p><p>Then Liz grabbed his hand and guided it home the final stretch and Max gave up on just wanting. This was the one arena where Liz was just fine with letting him take and take and take. He'd grown too accustomed to making the most of that permission to deny himself now.</p><p>He rolled them both onto their sides until she was cradled in the space between his arms and his hips and she sank further into him, a happy hum on her lips. It was too soon for her to sound that kind of pleased and content. It was too false. It made him want to wring all of the tension out of her and leave her blissed out and boneless and happy. Truly happy.</p><p>His thumb skimmed under the loose edge of her panties, brushing over the soft, short hairs underneath and searching out her clit. “Open up for me.”</p><p>Liz let out a soft whimper and hooked her leg over his, giving his hand more room to work. Much better. With her legs spread wide like that, he could tease at her entrance and spread her wetness around with slow, deliberate strokes of his fingers. It drove her crazy when he went slow like this, but Max loved to watch the way she lost all her tightly held control, bit by bit. </p><p>It wasn’t something he indulged in often. There were some nights he’d gotten her off as fast as he could and then kept her coming, just to see how many times he could. But this could be their last bad idea and he wasn’t going to rush it. </p><p>Ever impatient, Liz twisted in his arms so she was on her back and drew him in for a kiss. The soft give of her lip between his teeth and the hitch in her breath made him hungry for more, but it was her hand wrapping around his cock that made him growl and tug on her panties. </p><p>“Off.” He wanted to disintegrate the damn things. </p><p>“You too.” </p><p>She gave his boxer briefs a pointed glance, but Max was too distracted to follow orders because she’d sat up to take off her tank top too and the sight of Liz Ortecho completely nude in front of him had yet to become boring. Every time, he still felt like something short circuited in his brain at the sight. </p><p>She leaned down for a kiss and he pulled her flush against him, enjoying her soft weight on his chest almost as much as the subtle rock of her hips against his. Her skin was warm and smooth under his wandering palms and when he squeezed her ass and slid her hips along the length of his cock, she let out a low moan. </p><p>Part of him wanted to shove his underwear out of the way and slide inside her. Screw the build-up, forget about making the most of what might be their last time together, he just wanted to feel her squeezing down on his cock. But there was another voice warring inside him, helping him find the last scraps of his self-control, for her sake as much as his own. </p><p>He broke their kiss and tugged on the backs of her thighs. “Come here.”</p><p>Her lips parted in surprise, but she went along with it, crawling up his body until her pussy was hovering right over his mouth. </p><p>“Are you sure? I can turn around.” She cut herself off with a sharp moan as he put his lips to hers and Max felt her fingers curl in his hair. </p><p>Any other time, yeah, Max wouldn’t have minded a little reciprocation. But he wanted this to last and he never had much stamina once Liz put her mouth on him. She was entirely too good at giving head. One time she’d pulled him into the backroom at the Wild Pony during his fifteen and gotten him off so fast he still had time to eat a snack before he had to go back to work. </p><p>Besides, he liked being able to focus on the tremble of her thighs around his ears and the taste of her juices on his tongue. Or the way she stopped breathing at all whenever he sucked on her clit like it was a late summer peach. He could feel the tension building in her legs and knew she was close. And he could let her come, let all that tension break free and slide into her while she was still boneless and buzzing from her orgasm, but then it would be over. And Max wasn’t ready for that yet.</p><p>He eased off her clit, licking all around her entrance with long, slow strokes of his tongue and Liz made a frustrated noise above him. She rocked against him, bumping her clit into his nose a couple times in search of any kind of friction until Max locked his hands around her hips, holding her still. </p><p>“No, come on, I was so close," she whined.</p><p>Of course she was, and he’d get her there again, but he was going to take his time about it. He kept it up with the languorous swipes of his tongue and tried not to laugh at Liz’s impatient squirm. He knew this didn’t do a whole lot for her, but he really loved the hell out of it and rarely let himself take the time to feel the way her folds slipped and slid over his tongue. He’d get back to what she wanted, but he was going to give into the urge to be a little selfish this one time. Besides, he couldn’t let her have what she wanted too soon. He needed to bring her all the way back down before he worked her back up again to really make it count. </p><p>She finally settled down and let him do what he wanted with a resigned huff and he rewarded her with a brush of his thumb over her nipple. Ever the opportunist, his Liz, she grabbed his hand and wrapped her lips around his first two fingers, sucking hard and scraping her teeth over the pads of his fingers. His cock jumped in sympathy. </p><p>Okay, alright. Enough teasing. He gave up on his self-indulgent exploration and focused in on her clit, sucking and swirling his tongue around it until she was moaning around his fingers, her grip tight enough to grind the bones in his wrist together. He could feel her orgasm building in her thighs and hear it in her voice, that moment of caught air just before you begin to fall. But then some invisible threshold was crossed and she cried out, quivering against his mouth. He eased her down from it, gently massaging her clit with the flat of his tongue until she let his fingers slip out of her mouth and sagged against the headboard. </p><p>She rolled off of him, flopping back onto the bed with a groan. “You are the <i>worst</i>.” </p><p>Max rolled over to brush her mussed hair aside and get a good look at the dazed, satisfied look on her face. He knew he wasn’t doing much to keep the grin off his own. “Really? 'Cause it sounded like you enjoyed that.”</p><p>“Maybe. A little.” She palmed his cock through his boxers. “Your turn now?”</p><p>Her thumb brushed over the head of his cock and it was like all the playfulness was instantly sucked out of the room. All that was left was the dark heat in her eyes and the want, no the <i>need</i>, to be inside of her. They both impatiently shoved off the last scrap of clothing between them and then Max was cradled between her legs, her hands and mouth urging him on and pulling him in. </p><p>He wanted to keep this a slow tease, too, but the way she arched under him and clawed at his back tore his patience to shreds. His hips sped up and their kisses slowed and grew sloppy, the both of them focused in on the way every thrust brought them closer together, even as an insistent thought was knocking on the back of Max’s brain, shouting about how even this wasn’t enough to keep them from breaking apart for good. </p><p>Liz bit down hard on his lower lip and slid her legs higher around his waist and Max took it as a welcome distraction. She was getting close again and he wanted to see her face when it happened. He pushed back onto his knees and she moved with him, slinging her ankles over his shoulders, always knowing without a word what he wanted. Her half-lidded eyes never left his as her hand slowly trailed down over her stomach and moved over her clit. The added friction made her gasp and squeeze down on his cock and Max swore under his breath, straining to keep his pace sure and steady.</p><p>He felt as much as saw her orgasm build and break. Her eyes slammed closed and her head tipped back as she pulsed around him and that was just about as much as Max could take. He lost all control of his thrusts, pounding into her with almost frantic speed until he was lost, too. </p><p>Liz stroked the side of his face gently and Max blinked open his eyes, not even sure when he’d closed them.</p><p>“I love you,” she said, and hearing it made his heart fill to bursting, even now. </p><p>So many years spent thinking he’d never hear those words from her meant he treasured it every time, even when the words were loaded with so many other emotions. He turned his head to kiss the tip of her thumb, then untangled their limbs to lay next to her and pull her into his arms again so he could place a soft kiss on her lips. </p><p>“I love you, too.”</p><p>They were quiet for a moment as the bloodrush faded and reality set in. Tension began to build between them again, but he doubted they’d enjoy the way this one broke. </p><p>Max hesitated, reluctant to dive right into another fight, but he had to know. "Do you still hate it? Loving me?"</p><p>Liz's face crumpled, just for a second and then it was gone, replaced with something harder to read. "No. I meant it at the time, but I never should have said that."</p><p>"It's okay."</p><p>"No, it's not. I was hurt and I wanted to hurt you back, but you didn't deserve that."</p><p>"Yeah, I don't know about that. I think maybe I did."</p><p>She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off before she could speak. He still couldn't apologize, but he could at least try to explain.</p><p>"I did. I could have come up with something else that didn't involve a massive explosion.” Max turned to stare up at the ceiling, frustrated by how little sense his actions made. “I didn't even go there intending to destroy it. But once I was in your lab, listening to your voice describe your <i>dissection</i> of Noah like he was nothing more than an animal, I just snapped."</p><p>"Like with Flint." Liz's voice was hushed.</p><p>Max nodded wordlessly. It had been exactly like with Flint. One second he was in control and then it was like a match dropped on gasoline. An instant blaze of rage and destruction. It was only once he’d already done something unthinkable—unforgivable—that he could exercise some sort of control over his emotions again. </p><p>"Killing Noah unlocked something inside of me, Liz. The longer I go without learning the truth about who I am, the more dangerous I am to everyone around me."</p><p>"No, uh uh. I disagree." Liz shook her head and jabbed him in the chest with her finger. "You're only dangerous because you're constantly being put in these life or death scenarios. The stress is what causes these episodes. You just need some rest, away from all the Roswell craziness."</p><p>"You can't just cover me in bubble wrap and hide me away on a beach and hope it all goes away."</p><p>"That's not—” Liz abruptly rolled to get feet. “You know what, I’m hungry. Can you go grab us some food while I shower?”</p><p>Max sat up and caught her by the wrist as she tried to escape to the bathroom. “Liz, come on. We were finally getting somewhere.”</p><p>“We haven’t gotten anywhere if you still want to go back home.”</p><p>Her wrist slipped through his nerveless fingers and she was gone, locked behind the bathroom door before he could even think of how to respond to that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every mile under their wheels should have increased Liz’s peace of mind, but it only gave her more time to think about her lonely future. Because the second they got to California, Max was going to turn around and run right back to his mysterious destiny. And could she really blame him? </p>
<p>All her life, Liz had wanted to be a part of something bigger. She’d traded God for science, but she was still searching for meaning in the universe. More than that, she wanted the credit for being the one who finally found it. </p>
<p>Max already knew there was something more to who he was and why he was there, he just needed to uncover the secrets surrounding him. Asking him to ignore that and follow her out to California so she could chase her own destiny was selfish. </p>
<p>Didn't make her wrong, though. He <i>could</i> be happy away from Roswell and she wasn't ready to give up on trying to make him realize that.</p>
<p>"Their Mexican food doesn't taste right without the green chiles, but the sushi totally makes up for it. Oh, and In-N-Out? Do not tell my dad, but their burgers are even better than his."</p>
<p>Max made a vague, "I'm listening," noise next to her that meant he hadn't heard a word she said and kept staring out the windshield at the setting sun.</p>
<p>"I think what I'm really looking forward to though is the sound of the ocean, you know?" Liz glanced over at him in the passenger seat. "Kind of sounds like screaming, but that's probably just the sea lions mating."</p>
<p>Max turned a flat stare on her. "Just because I haven't seen it in person doesn't mean I don't know what the ocean sounds like."</p>
<p>"Just checking if you were listening."</p>
<p>"I was. Burgers, sushi, horny sea lions. Cali's got it all." He ground the heel of his palm into his eye socket. "I was just thinking about Crash Con."</p>
<p>Liz sighed. "Max…"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I know you were hoping this road trip would take my mind off of it, but it's been in the back of my head since I touched it." </p>
<p>"You mean the bomb?"</p>
<p>"It exploded, yeah, but I don't think that's what it was created to do." He paused, like he was reaching for the memory but parts of it stubbornly refused to recall. "I could hear these… whispers. And it felt like something I should have been able to understand if they'd just been a little louder."</p>
<p>"So what do you think it was meant to do, if not level a small town full of badly dressed tourists?"</p>
<p>"I think it might have been a remote, or some kind of control panel. When I touched it, something happened." He stretched out a hand, like he could reach back a week and still feel it under his fingertips. "I felt it respond to me."</p>
<p>The speedometer on the dash crept higher. "And do what?"</p>
<p>"I don't know." The frustration was as evident in his voice as the clenched fist on his knee.</p>
<p>"Hey." Liz reached out and covered his hand with hers. "Whatever it was, it must not have been too urgent. If it was, you would have heard about it from Isobel or Michael by now, right?"</p>
<p>There was a reluctant pause and then his hand slowly opened up beneath hers. "Right."</p>
<p>"Look, I know you want to get back and," she took in a steadying breath, "I won't try to stop you if you really think you need to go. But I just want you to get a look at the life we could have out here before you do. There's more to this world than what that one small town can hold. I've seen it and you can, too."</p>
<p>He lifted their hands and kissed the back of her knuckles. "I can't promise I'll stay, but I'll look."</p>
<p>It wasn't the answer she wanted, but it was a step in the right direction. A small one, but she'd take it and run with it as far as she could. She smiled even though she didn't feel it.  What she felt was the unsettling realization that there was something truly screwed up with them if she had to treat her boyfriend like a customer she was trying to squeeze a bigger tip out of. But Liz could fake it with the best of them and she could make it, too.</p>
<p>"Our timing is totally off on this trip, you know? We're going to be hitting the coast right at sunrise instead of sunset and West Coast sunrises suck. You sure you don't want to stay the night somewhere and start out again in the morning?"</p>
<p>Max gave her a look that said he saw right through her, and to be fair, she had already tried to convince him to stay through the night in Flagstaff. </p>
<p>"I'm sure."</p>
<p>"It's just, we could take a detour. Spend a day or two in Vegas?"</p>
<p>His skepticism increased. "Didn't take you for a gambling woman."</p>
<p>"I'm not. But if you know anything about probability, it's not much of a gamble. It's all about knowing the odds." Liz shrugged and turned up the wattage on her grin. "That and the free drinks."</p>
<p>Max mirrored her smile for a moment, but then it fell away and when he spoke, his voice was gentle. </p>
<p>"We can't just spend the rest of our lives running from making a decision about this."</p>
<p>Liz bristled and took her hand back. He sounded just like everyone else who tried to tell her she couldn't have everything she wanted.</p>
<p>"It sounds like you've already made yours, but you said you'd wait. That you'd at least see what it was like."</p>
<p>"And I will. But that means we've gotta get there, not wander around endlessly, living in some kind of road trip fantasy, trying to put it off or ignore it until it goes away.”</p>
<p>“That’s just it, Max. If we take all of the usual distractions out of the equation, all of our problems <i>would</i> go away.”</p>
<p>“You mean all the alien stuff.” </p>
<p>Liz heard the warning in his voice, but not soon enough to stop her damn mouth. </p>
<p>“Yes!” She took a breath, thinking before she spoke again. “Obviously it’s a part of you, and that’s something we’ll always have to deal with. I’m just saying we’d be better off focusing on what’s important.”</p>
<p>“What’s important to you, you mean.”</p>
<p>“I <i>mean</i> that we could have a good life together if we just took some time to just live. No murder investigations, no defusing bombs. Just you and me and making pancakes on Saturday mornings.”</p>
<p>Liz reached her hand out, silently begging him to take it again, and held in the sigh of relief when he finally did. </p>
<p>“You’re right, without all of those distractions, you could spend all the time you want in the lab and come home to your kept man at night.” She tried to pull her hand away, stung by his words and the quiet venom in them, but he held tight. "You can't just erase that part of me because it's inconvenient."</p>
<p>He’d never clung too tightly to the bullshit macho attitude that came with his cowboy hat and boots and it surprised her that it was coming out now. It didn’t make any sense at all until she realized it wasn’t the flipped gender roles bothering him so much as the thought of being useless. Max had that hero streak that meant he always needed to be doing something, helping someone, though he’d stuffed it down as tightly as he could over the years while trying to keep his family safe. </p>
<p>“That's not what I want, Max. It’s an opportunity for you, too. There’s so much more to you beyond the alien thing. You can write like you always wanted to. Or not! It would be time for you to find out what you really want out of life. I don't want to keep you, I just want to support you.”</p>
<p>“I have told you, Liz. Repeatedly. What I want is to discover why I’m here. We've barely started to uncover the truth and every new lead just gives me more questions.” He did let go then and tucked his arms tight across his body. “First I thought I was a refugee like the rest of them, then I found out I was being kept prisoner, but I don’t know <i>why</i>. I’m supposed to be some kind of savior, but I don’t even know what from.”</p>
<p>Refugee she’d heard and the word savior had come up before, although Liz had never wanted to think too hard about what that might actually mean. A lot had happened in the past few weeks, enough that Liz had to take a moment to mentally rewind it all to try and remember if Max being imprisoned had come up before, but nope. It was news to her. </p>
<p>“A prisoner? Why would you think that?”</p>
<p>He didn't say anything for a moment, long enough that she would have pressed him on it if she couldn't see the way he was fidgeting in his seat out of the corner of her eye. Whatever this was, it wasn't an easy topic for him. So she waited. Not patiently, but silently at least.</p>
<p>When he did speak, Max's voice was quiet, hesitant, like he still wasn't sure he wanted to say it out loud. “I used to have these dreams when I was a kid, where I was chained to the floor. I’d forgotten about them for a while, written them off as some kind of weird quirk of childhood, but after I started taking the antidote again, they started coming back. I'm young and alone and there's this… shackle around my ankle. And I have this feeling that wherever I am, I've been there a long time.”</p>
<p>Liz stared at him in horror for a second before turning back to the road. “You think they’re memories?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. They get a little bit clearer every time, but I still know so little. I don’t know why I was chained up, or who was holding me prisoner.” Max paused, fidgeting again in the passenger seat like he couldn't get comfortable. “With the last dose, I saw Louise. She freed me and then she defended me from… someone. I didn’t get a look at their face, I just felt this menacing presence. And fear.”</p>
<p>Liz let out a slow breath. “Oh my god, Max. Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”</p>
<p>“Because…” He hesitated, and out of the corner of her eye, all Liz could see was him rubbing the spaces between his knuckles. “Because I was scared of what it meant. I mean, what if I was being held prisoner because I was dangerous?”</p>
<p>“Louise never would have been the one to free you if that was true.”</p>
<p>“I guess. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think anymore, I don’t have enough information.”</p>
<p>He sounded so down about it that the doer in Liz—that part of her that insisted that if there was a problem, she could fix it—wanted to turn around and head back to Roswell that instant. That was where his answers were, not on some beach in California. Liz knew, deep down, that no matter how long she tried to delay it, someday Max was going to find those answers he was looking for. The part she was still uncertain about was why she felt the need to stand between him and his truths.</p>
<p>Maybe, if she was being totally honest with herself, she could admit that a part of her was scared that she wouldn't like what he found. Or what he turned into once he found it.</p>
<p>"Max…"</p>
<p>Her voice trailed off. That was all she had. Everything else was filled with too many conflicting emotions to make it out of her throat.</p>
<p>"Let's just worry about getting out to California right now." He reached over and squeezed her leg and his touch felt warm and comforting and like something Liz hadn't earned. "How're you doing? You want me to drive for a while?"</p>
<p>Liz swallowed and shook her head. "I'm good for now. You can take over the next time we get gas."</p>
<p>He gave her leg another squeeze and withdrew his hand and Liz felt the loss of his heat more keenly than his touch. That was what it was going to feel like once he went back to Roswell, except all over. No hope of bringing him back this time, just cold emptiness. She'd move on. Liz always did fine on her own. But god, was she ever going to feel the loss of Max by her side.</p><hr/>
<p>The vial in Max's pocket felt heavier with every hour that passed. It had been jabbing him in the hip the whole car ride, reminding him it was there every time he shifted in his seat. He probably should have left the damn thing at home, but Liz had whirled through his house like a tornado and caught him up in her path so fast he hadn't even thought about it. </p>
<p>So now here he was, hiding out in some disgusting gas station bathroom and staring down the thought of it being hours before he could take more. Days, even, if Liz got her way. She usually did.</p>
<p>The vial felt lighter in his hand. </p>
<p>It was the last one. It wasn't like he could risk Liz making more of the antidote in her Genoryx lab, so once he took this, that was it. End of the road on his quest for answers. </p>
<p>If he took it now, he could have a memory flash before they even got to the coast. And then if he didn't learn anything worthwhile, that could be the end of it. No more searching, just trying to make the most of his life on Earth.</p>
<p>He thumbed off the vial's cap, but hesitated. She'd know if he took it. There was no hiding how edgy and animated he got when the antidote was in his system.  She'd know, but he didn't want to hide this from her anyway. </p>
<p>Max lifted the vial to his lips and tipped it back. No more secrets. Not from Liz and not from himself.</p>
<p>"Hey." Liz greeted him with a smile back at the car and handed over a coffee cup first and then a bag. "Got you some jerky. <i>Without</i> condoms."</p>
<p>"Just the way I like it."</p>
<p>He knew the right words to say, but his lack of investment in the joke must have shown because Liz's smile slipped and went guarded. </p>
<p>"Something wrong?"</p>
<p>"No." Max put his seatbelt on, but didn't start the car. No more secrets. "I took the rest of the antidote when I destroyed your lab. That's what's been helping me regain my memories."</p>
<p>"I figured." Her guard was all the way up now.</p>
<p>"Right. Well I just took the last vial."</p>
<p>"The whole thing?! I told you, your heart can't take that much adrenaline." She crowded into his space, her hand flying to his neck and feeling for the pulse he could already feel hammering in his chest.</p>
<p>"Liz."</p>
<p>"Get out, I'll drive until we can find a place to wait it out for the night and—"</p>
<p>"<i>Liz</i>. I'm fine."</p>
<p>"No, you are not fine! You had a heart attack less than a week ago." She stared at him with such dismay, he wanted to take it all back. "It took me months to get that heart to the point where it was viable for transplant and we don’t have another one if it fails, but you keep treating it like it's disposable. And that's not even getting into the way you keep jumping into these decisions without talking to me first."</p>
<p>Max clenched his hands. "Because the second I do, it becomes about what you think and what you want and Liz, this isn't about you."</p>
<p>"It's not? Because I thought we were going to start making all of our big decisions together, but that lasted all of what, a day?"</p>
<p>"However long it took for you to lie to me about continuing your experiments."</p>
<p>Liz recoiled and he braced for the inevitable shot back at him, but it never came. She was too busy scrambling to get her seat belt off and get out of the car. </p>
<p>"Where are you going?"</p>
<p>"Don't worry about it. It's not about you, it's about me." She slammed the door behind her, but didn't go anywhere, just stood there fuming.</p>
<p>Max got out and rounded the car slowly. He didn't want to fight, but his blood felt like it was boiling and all the things he wanted to say but usually kept inside were bubbling to the surface.</p>
<p>"I told you I took it because I was trying to be completely transparent for once."</p>
<p>"But you still told me after the fact."</p>
<p>"It was always going to happen, Liz. I'm sorry, but this is one thing you don't get a say in. I need to follow every lead about my past."</p>
<p>"Did it have to be <i>now</i>?"</p>
<p>"Yes. Because if nothing comes of it, then that's it, I'm out of leads. I wanted to know one way or another before we got to Palo Alto."</p>
<p>She stared up at him, already heartbroken, and god, he <i>hated</i> being the one to put that look on her face. All he'd ever wanted for her was to be happy and safe and to know how loved she was, but it seemed like all he'd ever done was cause her pain.</p>
<p>"So you’d have an excuse ready for why you had to go."</p>
<p>“So I’d know if I had to. The longer I wait, the more I think about it and I didn’t want that hanging over our heads, Liz. I don’t want even a single second with you to be tainted by doubt.”</p>
<p>A shadow of hope crept into her expression and he almost hated to give it to her. The antidote hadn’t failed to give him a memory flash yet. The only question was whether it would give him enough of a clue about where to look next. And seeing that hope in Liz’s eyes, it was enough to make him question whether he even really wanted one. When she looked at him like that, all he wanted was her. </p>
<p>Slowly, Max moved in closer, touching only her shoulders and not trying to push his luck, but his hands had always had a mind of their own once they were on her body. When she didn’t pull away, they swept up and down her back, coaxing the tension out of her spine before coming to rest on the swell of her hips. </p>
<p>"Let's get on the road, huh?"</p>
<p>Her face tilted up towards his, their noses brushing against each other, but her lips stopped just short of his. This he really wasn't going to push, as badly as he wanted to. His darker impulses screamed that she was still his and it wasn’t over yet, but Liz would always be her own woman and never anyone else’s. </p>
<p>“Fine, you can drive. But no coffee.”</p>
<p>“Yes, ma’am.” He didn’t need it. Even without the antidote giving him a kick, the stress of the situation had him wired and restless. </p>
<p>Her lips touched his, there and gone again before he could respond, and then she was slipping out of his arms and back into the warmth of the car.</p>
<p>Max caught his reflection in the window and he hesitated, waiting to see if the sight of his own face triggered a memory flash the way it often did. But one second passed, and another, and nothing happened. Just his own haggard face staring back at him. </p>
<p>It would come, though, it always did. And when it did, he’d either have the information he needed to find out the truth about who he really was, or he’d be free to write that truth for himself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sky was still dark when they ran out of land. It would be hours before Liz could call Diego and find out where her new life was based, so she’d told Max to take them to the beach. If nothing else, she was going to make sure he saw the ocean before he left. </p>
<p>She grabbed a blanket from the trunk and headed for the sound of crashing waves while Max followed, hands in his pockets and the same tense, pensive pout he’d had on his face since the gas station in Bakersfield. That look meant whatever he was waiting for, some vision or thought to hit him like a bolt of lightning, hadn’t happened yet. And that meant that, for now anyway, he was still hers. </p>
<p>“Take your boots off so you can feel the sand between your toes.” Liz twitched the last corner of the blanket into place so she could do just that. </p>
<p>“Aren’t you cold?”</p>
<p>“Freezing, but I figure we can keep each other warm, right?”</p>
<p>The sky was lightening, but it was still hard to read his expression in the gloom. There was doubt in his hesitation, but then he was taking a seat on the blanket so he could tug off his boots and socks and sink his toes into the sand. </p>
<p>“Feels good, right?”</p>
<p>It was just light enough that she could see the reluctant smile on his face and the way it shifted the weight he'd been carrying. If she couldn’t make all of his troubles disappear with a snap of her fingers, at least she could give him this moment of peace before he had to face them again. </p>
<p>“Come here, you’re shivering.”</p>
<p>He pulled her down to sit between his legs and wrapped himself around her like a heated blanket. She tipped her head back against his shoulder, just enjoying the feeling of his warmth and love surrounding her for as long as she still had it. </p>
<p>She didn’t think putting distance between them would mean he stopped loving her. Max’s love had become one of the few things she could count on. But if he really did have some grand destiny to live up to, she needed to give him the space to figure out whatever that meant without her holding him back. </p>
<p>Admitting she was wrong was one of Liz’s least favorite activities, right after cleaning the grease trap out at the Crashdown, but she couldn’t ignore facts forever. This was goodbye. </p>
<p>She threaded her fingers through his and kissed his knuckles. “I’m glad you came. I know I basically kidnapped you, but you could have gone home at any point and I’m glad you didn’t.”</p>
<p>He pressed a soft kiss to her temple.“I’m glad I came, too. You probably would have fallen asleep at the wheel after trying to drive straight through the night.”</p>
<p>She gasped out an indignant laugh at the jab. “I was planning on stopping the second I got tired, I just had to get out of there.”</p>
<p> “I know.  You’re too brilliant to stay in Roswell forever, but I think you’re going to be happy here.”</p>
<p>Her breath caught painfully in her chest. Would she? She’d be fine, she’d move on and lose herself in her work and even if it seemed impossible now, she knew she’d smile again someday. But happy? The only time she’d really known happiness in her adult life was in this man’s arms. She had to give it one more shot.</p>
<p>“You could be, too.”</p>
<p>“Liz—”</p>
<p>“I know. I know I’m beating a dead horse. But Max, I really think you can. If you could just let your past go and focus on the here and now.” She twisted in his arms enough to look him in the eye and she put her hand to his cheek, feeling the bristle of his stubble under her thumb. “Be happy with me, Max.”</p>
<p>He studied her face for a moment and Liz wished she had Max’s way with words to describe the emotions mixing in his soft, dark eyes. It made her ache and hope and curse herself for giving him so much power over her. She'd probably never stop chafing under the knowledge of how much control he had over her future happiness, but there was no question he had it. </p>
<p>“It’s the only time I ever have been," he finally said.</p>
<p>He kissed her then and it felt like a concession, but she wasn’t sure who was conceding what. Neither of them were coming out of this with everything they wanted, but this was a kiss that said they’d take what they had left and build something new out of it. A new life with new goals. </p>
<p>They still needed the words to seal the deal, but for now the slow drag of his tongue on hers felt like a promise and the press of her hand to the seam of his jeans was an answer. They were better together in all things, but especially like this. </p>
<p>A muffled laugh broke them apart and Liz opened her eyes to find the sky had turned pale and colorless. The laughter had come from a pair of surfers pulling on wetsuits near the water, glancing back at the free show she and Max were putting on over their shoulders. Liz couldn't help a small laugh of her own. Not with the amount of hope that kiss had given her.</p>
<p>"Tell me this means you're staying."</p>
<p>The corners of his mouth twitched like they weren't sure whether to pull into a smile or a frown. "I don't know. I don't want to get your hopes up."</p>
<p>"But?"</p>
<p>"But it should have happened by now. I took the antidote hours ago and it's never taken this long to trigger a memory before." His eyes were soft on her face. "And if that's it, then I'm out of reasons not to stay."</p>
<p>Liz squealed and tumbled him back onto the blanket, kissing him all over his face as he chuckled at her excitement. Finally he smoothed her hair back from where it was falling into their faces and guided her mouth to his, sucking her bottom lip between his teeth. It made her dizzy with lust, but she was all too aware of how exposed they were.</p>
<p>She pulled back to rest her chin on his chest and was relieved to see that his smile was just as wide and goofy as hers felt. "I think we should celebrate with breakfast burritos."</p>
<p>Max groaned. "<i>Absolutely.</i> I'm starving." </p>
<p>The buzz of his satisfied hum vibrating through his chest and the firm touch of his palm dragging down her spine were giving Liz second thoughts, though. Food wasn’t all that necessary, was it?</p>
<p>"Or I could give Diego a call. He was always an early riser, he's probably up by now."</p>
<p>Max's head popped up, confusion and alarm written clear as day on his face and sending Liz into a peal of giggles.</p>
<p>"He has the information for my new apartment. He said to call him when I got into town so he could help me get settled in." Liz planted her hands on either side of Max's head and bent low to whisper the next part into his ear. "I don't need his help, but I wouldn't mind a bed and some privacy."</p>
<p>Max groaned and turned his head to catch her lips in a brief, dirty kiss that told her just how little he cared about either of those things. It was still early. No one around except some surfers living out of the back of their vans in the parking lot. They could probably knock out a backseat quickie without anyone noticing. Liz gave herself a mental shake and moved away from him before she was tempted to investigate whether that was just his belt buckle poking her in the stomach or something more interesting. </p>
<p>"Yeah, alright. Call Diego, but I still want food first. And right now," Max stood and grabbed his boots with a flourish, "I'm gonna go ruin Isobel's day. Meet you at the car when you're done?"</p>
<p>They hadn't even talked about how Isobel and Michael would react to this news. If Liz was honest, she hadn't given it much thought. The idea of having her family and Max all in a safe little bubble with her had been too much of a dream come true. Thinking about consequences would only poke holes in that bubble.</p>
<p>Max didn't seem too concerned, though. Still troubled by the let down of hitting a dead end, but as he left the beach for the car, he seemed lighter. Not happy yet, but getting there. </p>
<p>Liz took out her phone and dialed Diego's number. Max was going to be happy again. They both were.</p>
<hr/>
<p>There was broken glass on the asphalt of the parking lot and when Max stopped to lean against a palm tree to put his boots back on, he got a good whiff of the salty sea air mixed with the unmistakable parking lot funk of piss and stale beer. Not any worse than the lot outside the Pony, but enough to highlight the dissonance between his expectations for his first time oceanside and reality. </p>
<p>He’d always imagined more sunshine, for starters. There was a hazy fog rolling in from off shore that reduced Liz to a silhouette by the time he got to the car. He'd always pictured her in fewer clothes when he thought of Liz on the beach, too, but there'd be time for other beach days. There'd be time for all of the things he'd dreamed of but never spoken aloud. </p>
<p><i>Be happy with me</i>. Typical Liz, it hadn't been a question, but a command. But there was a future written into it, maybe even forever, and that was something he hadn't even dared to dream about. If his past was closed to him, then the future was all he had left and this was the one he wanted.</p>
<p>He dug his phone and the car keys out of his pockets, already dreading telling Isobel about this. He thought she'd probably understand, though, after a bit of whining. Maybe she'd threaten to follow them out to California so she could keep dropping by with coffee at inconvenient times. But Michael...</p>
<p>They'd finally started to feel like the family unit they were always meant to be. And he knew Michael would never really be done looking for answers. Every couple of weeks it was, "let's just be happy with what we have." Then something else would send him off on a wild goose chase. This dead end wouldn't be an end for him, just a sign to keep digging. Max just wanted to put the damn shovel down for a minute.</p>
<p>He thumbed the unlock button on the key fob and the car, the beach, all of it disappeared. He was back on that sticky stage at Crash Con, the rebuilt device lighting up pinks and yellows under his hand. It was warm to the touch, like an appliance that had been running too long, and the whispers of thought said it was because it was filled with life. The symbol, their map home, burned under his palm and the whispers grew in number and urgency, telling him just what he'd done.</p>
<p>Max gasped in a salty breath and opened his eyes back in California. He looked at the keys in his hand, then to Liz, who was leaving the beach. Ready to start her new life with Max at her side. </p>
<p>Shit.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Diego answered on the first ring. "Elizabeth!"</p>
<p>"Hey, I hope it's not too early."</p>
<p>"Not at all, I just got back from my morning run. You think you're going to be getting into town today?"</p>
<p>Liz winced, her mind spinning with how she was going to explain her hasty flight from Roswell. "I'm actually already here. Just got in about an hour ago."</p>
<p>There was a pause, but Diego left it at a wry, "Well you did always like driving at night."</p>
<p>"Right.” Thank god he was just as committed to not making things awkward as she was. “I was just wondering if you had the info for where I'll be staying. I can grab a hotel for a day or two if the apartment's not ready yet, though."</p>
<p>“Of course, you must be exhausted. I’ll text you the address and the lockbox code for the key. Our office manager got it all set up and furnished for you, but you can make any changes you want.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Diego, that would be great.” Liz shoved her foot into her boot, not bothering with her socks. “I cannot wait to take a shower.”</p>
<p>Shower, bed, food, Max. She needed all of those things, she just couldn’t decide on the order of operations. She was so busy trying to sort out where they all fit on Maslow’s pyramid that she almost missed Diego asking her to come into the lab later that day.</p>
<p>“What, already? I don’t even get a day to recover from my trip?”</p>
<p>He chuckled his perfect politician’s son laugh. “Don’t act like you’re not anxious to get back in that white coat. In fact, I think we might have to put a cot in your lab when you see what we have waiting for you to work on.”</p>
<p>Liz froze, halfway bent over to pick up the blanket. “I thought the deal was that I was going to get to design my own research study. I signed on because you and Dr. Meyerson told me I’d be working on whatever I chose.”</p>
<p>“There’ve been a few changes. I promise you, you’re going to be thrilled to see what it is. Come into the lab and we can go over everything.”</p>
<p>Liz straightened, all the better to dig her heels in. “I’m going to need a full 48 hours rest unless you give me more than that. What am I working on, Diego?”</p>
<p>There was a sigh over the line that disappeared into the crashing waves behind her and suddenly she had to strain to hear him, like he was worried about being overheard. “I can’t go into detail on the phone. Let’s just say you’re going to find the samples we have for you to study to be very <i>familiar</i>.”</p>
<p>Liz’s heart climbed into her throat. “We talking planarians here? Because you know I’m not interested in going back to worms.”</p>
<p>A minute ago, she would have said planarian DNA was the last thing in the world she wanted to work on. That was still true. Kind of. Liz didn’t want to work on them, but she’d give anything for that to be what Diego was alluding to here instead of—</p>
<p>“It’s a lot more recent than that.”</p>
<p>Liz wanted to vomit. </p>
<p>“Diego, <i>how</i>? All of those samples were destroyed.”</p>
<p>“Most of them were, I know.” His voice was soothing, sympathetic, like he was giving his condolences for a dead relative. “I saw it happen. Listen, I can’t say any more, but all you need to know right now is that the work you were doing in New Mexico? It’s not over.”</p>
<p>No. No, no, no. ¡Pinche mierda! This could not be happening!</p>
<p>"Wow. I… really don't know what to say. I'm not even sure what I <i>can</i> say. Like, legally."</p>
<p>It was kind of hard to think in words with the screaming alarm bells echoing through her head. </p>
<p>"Just get a good nap in and then come on down and we'll talk it all out. Dr. Meyerson was really excited to see what you've been working on and she wants to hear all about it, straight from you."</p>
<p>Liz whirled and looked out at the ocean for answers, but flinging herself out into the waves was too tempting. She'd made this mess and now she had to deal with it. So she squeezed her eyes shut and pulled on a false smile that she hoped would sound natural to Diego. </p>
<p>"I can't wait. I'll try to make it in by this afternoon, okay?"</p>
<p>Diego's smile sounded much more genuine to her ears. "Knew I could count on you, Elizabeth."</p>
<p>They hung up and Liz opened her eyes. The sand, the surf, her self-created problems, they were all still there, just as she knew they would be. And maybe a hundred yards away, was Max. </p>
<p>She had a horrible, selfish instinct to hide this from him. To stuff it all down and take him back to their new apartment and pretend like nothing at all was wrong. Like all the lies she'd been telling herself hadn't just come around to chomp a chunk out of her ass. </p>
<p>She could solve this on her own.  All she had to do was play nice with Diego and Meyerson and the rest of the Genoryx team until she could steal or destroy whatever they'd stolen from her first. But even if she didn't need Max with her for backup on this, she wanted him. If not by her side, live and in person, then at least in spirit. She wanted to be able to lean on him when things were bad and this might be the worst they'd ever been. </p>
<p>Although, was her ill-gotten alien DNA samples falling into the wrong hands, and the man she loved being put in danger because of her own stupid, arrogant actions, really worse than him literally dying? Liz shook off the thought. She didn't need to be able to pin a ribbon on which feeling was worst to know this one was capital B Bad.</p>
<p>As she trudged off the beach, the sand pulling at her feet, Liz hated every step that brought her closer to Max. She didn't have to tell him, she could keep this to herself. But the second he found out, and he would, it would be over for good. No amount of begging or nostalgic road trips could make him forgive and forget that kind of lie.</p>
<p>It was on the tip of her tongue, figuring she'd just blurt it out and sort out the wreckage once it was done, but the look on his face pulled her up short. He looked… well, haunted was the word that came to mind, but that was crazy.</p>
<p>"Max?"</p>
<p>He looked down at the keys in his hand, his mouth pulling in at the corners like he was trying to hold in something. Words, or emotion, or both.</p>
<p>"I can't stay."</p>
<p>Something cracked in Liz's chest. "It finally happened, didn't it? What did you see?"</p>
<p>"Nothing." He shook his head, but he was still staring at the keys in his hand. "It wasn't really visual, the knowledge just sort of hit me. I know what I did to the device at Crash Con."</p>
<p>Liz closed her hand around his, the keys held loosely between both their palms, and he finally looked up. His eyes were filled with confusion and fear and again Liz had that sick urge to hide her own knowledge bomb from him. He was already going through so much. She didn't have to make things worse for him.</p>
<p>"I—” His voice cracked and he winced and tried again. “I think I unlocked something."</p>
<p>"Do you know what?" </p>
<p>His face said he at least had an idea what it was, but he needed the extra help getting the words out.</p>
<p>"A cage." His brow dipped and touched hers. "I have to go back. I think I know where it is and I have to find whatever it is that I unleashed."</p>
<p>"Of course."</p>
<p>It would be easier, hiding it. If he was two states away, she could wrap this up and follow him back home in a week or two. It wouldn’t take her all that long to track down whatever data Diego had stolen and then she could go home to Max and write the whole thing off as a failed experiment.</p>
<p>It would be easier, but it was the wrong move, and Liz was tired of being wrong.</p>
<p>"I'd go with you—"</p>
<p>"No, you stay." Max curled a hand in her hair and Liz wanted to cry at how much undeserved love was in the gesture. "You're going to do amazing things out here and you deserve to be happy."</p>
<p>Oh, screw it. "Diego has your DNA."</p>
<p>Max stilled and slowly pulled back to look her in the eye. "What?"</p>
<p>"Just now, he didn't come right out and say it, but he alluded to having it. Or—or Noah's or Michael's. I don't know what he has, but he has something alien." Liz curled her hand in Max's shirt, hanging on for dear life just in case this was what drove them apart once and for all. "You were right, he had a way into my lab and he stole my samples."</p>
<p>"We have to get those samples back, Liz." </p>
<p>The growl in his voice sent an unpleasant shiver down her spine. Whatever darkness was lurking inside him was threatening to break through. </p>
<p>Liz put her hands to his chest, trying to calm him with her touch. "I know. I will. I'm going to make sure every last trace of them is erased from their systems, destroy whatever it is that they have, and then I'm coming back to Roswell. Coming here was a mistake."</p>
<p>He was not calmed.</p>
<p>"You can't erase their memories, though. You have no way of knowing who they told, how far it's gotten.” He paced in front of her, scrubbing his hands through his hair in frustration. “God, I <i>told</i> you. I told you this would happen and—"</p>
<p>"I know!" She deserved it, but Liz had never taken being wrong with grace and it took serious effort to keep her temper in check. "I know I screwed up, but I am going to fix this, okay? You were right, I can't trust Diego, but it won't have gone much farther than him. The entire biomedical field thrives on secrecy and proprietary research. Whatever he thinks he knows, he would have kept it to himself so that he can get the credit for discovering it."</p>
<p>Even without the complication of the alien nature of her samples, Liz would have been ready to castrate Diego over this. He thought he could just swoop in, attach himself to her groundbreaking work, and get all the credit without any of the effort? Outraged didn't even begin to describe what Liz was feeling, but at least she finally seemed to have snapped Max out of his rage spiral. He was still mad, but it was more of a steady burn now.</p>
<p>"So where do we start?" </p>
<p>"'We' aren't going to do anything, except maybe drive you to the airport."</p>
<p>"What? No. I am staying until this is handled."</p>
<p>"You just said you unlocked a <i>cage</i>, Max. Whatever it was holding, it's alien, too, and chances are it's not going to be too happy about being locked up for the past seventy years."</p>
<p>"Crash Con was a week ago. If it was something dangerous, we would know about it by now. This is a much more immediate threat to me and my family."</p>
<p>"It's bad, yeah. Believe me, I am panicking over this just as much as you are." </p>
<p>He rolled his eyes at that and okay, maybe she could allow him to win that contest. It wasn't her life on the line here. It was just that she'd been so sure, so self-righteous about how her research couldn't possibly hurt anyone. It was unthinkable, but only because she'd refused to even consider the possibility. But the unthinkable had happened and it was time to stop ignoring the facts just because they were inconvenient.</p>
<p>"If I had never done those tests, if I had stopped when you first asked me to," if she'd been able to resist blabbing all about it to Diego, "none of this would have happened. But there's nothing for you to do here. This is entirely on me and I need to be the one to fix it."</p>
<p>It was hard, probably harder than it should have been, for Liz to take responsibility for this. Even now, she wanted to turn all her anger, all the blame, onto Diego.  But Max was unmoved by the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. </p>
<p>"I can't just leave and cross my fingers that everything will turn out okay."</p>
<p>His anger was a wall and she just had to keep slamming into it, hoping she'd eventually cause it to crack.</p>
<p>"What are you going to do? Break into Genoryx's high security lab and blow that up, too?" </p>
<p>The muscle twitch in his jaw and the way he skated his eyes to the side told her that had been as close as he'd gotten to any sort of plan. </p>
<p>Then he sighed out a heavy breath, visibly releasing some of his anger with it. "What was your plan?"</p>
<p>"It's like you said, we need to know who else knows, what they suspect, and the only way we can do that is if I show up like it's a normal day at work.” This was going to take a certain level of sneakiness that Liz, for better or for worse, was getting pretty good at. </p>
<p>"You still might need me."</p>
<p>"I might." She was absolutely not going to think about how many times over she would be dead if not for Max coming to her rescue. "But I'm pretty damn good at coming up with new plans when things go wrong. I'll figure it out. I need you to trust that I can handle this on my own so you can go handle your own crisis."</p>
<p>"Liz…"</p>
<p>He still didn't want to give in, but she'd made it through the wall and his resolve was crumbling. For all of the amazing, impossible things he could do, he still couldn't be in two places at once. </p>
<p>Liz stepped into his warmth again and put her hand to his cheek. "You have to go. I don't want to stay without you, but I need to do this. For you and the rest of your family. I caused this, let me make it right."</p>
<p>He was quiet while he fought with himself instead of her, which meant she’d done a good enough job convincing him. All she had to do was wait while he came to terms with handing control of the situation over to her. It couldn’t be easy. Not the loss of control or the enormous amount of trust he’d have to place in her to walk away from this mess. She certainly didn’t deserve it. But there was nothing else to be done. </p>
<p>“I’ll go,” he finally said, clearly hating it. “But I’m coming back the second I’m done out there and Liz, I’m gonna need to know <i>everything</i> you know while I’m gone.”</p>
<p>“You will. Constant updates, I promise. You’re going to get so many texts, you’ll be sick of me.”</p>
<p>He shook his head slowly and smoothed his hand down her back. “Never.”</p>
<p>She didn’t deserve that either. After this, she wouldn’t have blamed him if he walked away and never looked back.</p>
<p>“I am so sorry.” Liz’s voice broke around the tears suddenly clogging her throat. “For all of it. For not listening when you said I should stop, for thinking I would actually be able to get away with it. I fucked up.”</p>
<p>He sighed and pulled her into his chest, tucking her head under his chin. “Yeah, well. I’ve seen you fight back when someone hurts the people you love before. They’re gonna wish they never looked your way.”</p>
<p>Liz sagged into him, letting him take her weight. She was heavier from all the guilt, and it wasn’t right to make him bear it for her even for a second, but as soon as they separated, she was back to carrying it alone. She’d take the brief reprieve he was offering long enough for her to gather her strength for the coming days. She’d need all she could get to face all of her failures on her own.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The last minute ticket home cost more than Max made in a week at the Pony, and with all the layovers, he’d almost get there faster if he rented a car and drove. Almost wasn’t good enough, though. He needed every last second just in case whatever he’d set free showed its face before he went looking for it. </p><p>"You should get your ID out now." Liz was a flutter of nervous energy, like she was the one about to fly for the first time, not him. "And they're going to make you take your belt and shoes off. We didn’t pack any shampoo or anything in your bag, so you’re good there. Are you afraid of heights?"</p><p>He leveled a calm stare on her and waited until she finally sucked in a breath. "I'm going to be fine."</p><p>"No, yeah. Of course you will." She let out a short laugh that was more of a hiccup. "What if you accidentally short out the plane and it plummets from the sky?"</p><p>As if Max needed another thing to worry about, now that was going to be in the back of his head the whole time he was in the air. He couldn't feed her anxiety though or she'd do something crazy like insist on driving him all the way home.</p><p>"I almost failed high school physics twice, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way."</p><p>She winced through a smile and ducked her head. "I just hate this. I wish I was going with you, or that we could go more than five minutes without disaster striking. I hate that we finally figured this out, but you're still leaving."</p><p>Touching her now was dangerous, it would be too hard to let her go, but she needed the grounding force more than he needed the easy goodbye. Nothing about this was going to be easy anyhow. He cradled her face in both of his hands and the way she leaned into his touch and her eyes fluttered closed made it all worth it. </p><p>"It's only temporary. And no matter how many miles are between us, it won't change how much I love you."</p><p>It had been all too brief, but that moment before it all came crashing down around them had been enough to crystalize the future that Max wanted for both of them. Now that he’d seen it, he wasn't about to let anything stand in his way of getting it. Someday he and Liz were going to have that soft and easy life together. They just needed to clear out the debris they'd both pulled down around them first.</p><p>“I love you, too.” She pressed his hand to her cheek for a quiet moment, but when she opened her eyes again, they’d gone steely with determination. “I’m going to fix this. I’ve been mentally going through my sample inventory and I think I know what they have based on what I was stupid enough to leave out. So if I just—”</p><p>He cut her off with a kiss. It was more of a smushing of lips than anything else since she was too surprised to kiss him back. He was worried, hell he was flat out scared, but he couldn't be mad at her when she was so busy doing that twice over on his behalf.</p><p>"I know, Liz. I want to be here to see this through, but I believe you. You're going to make this right."</p><p>"How on earth can you have that much faith in me when I let you down so badly?"</p><p>"Because you're you.” Max took both of her hands in his and squeezed them gently. “You make miracles happen and you bend reality to your will on a regular basis. There's nothing you can't do.”</p><p>Even through all of her faultless self-confidence, he knew she still held doubt that it would be enough, that she would ever be enough for the people she loved. There would probably never be the right combination of words that Max could string together that would make her lose that doubt. He would just have to prove it to her, again and again.</p><p>He bent to kiss her again and this time she was ready for him. As kisses go, it was soft and sweet and over far too soon. And even though he hadn’t wanted to give it that kind of weight, it felt like a sad goodbye. It was impossible not to when they were both headed into such unclear and dangerous situations. </p><p>Eventually, they had to let go of each other, to walk away, but once he’d gotten through the first security check, Max turned back. Just to catch one last glimpse of her and watch as the other half of his heart walked out the door yet again. For once it didn’t leave him hopeless with despair. One way or another, he knew they’d find their way back to each other soon. </p><p>The flights, all three of them, sucked. The novelty of it all wore off as soon as they reached cruising altitude and the guy in front of him reclined his seat, reducing Max's leg room to negative numbers. By the time Isobel pulled up to pick him up at the airport in Roswell, Max had sworn himself a vow never to fly again.</p><p>She surprised him by hopping out and launching herself into his arms as soon as the car came to a complete stop. Max hugged her back, instantly feeling some of his anxiety about what might be waiting for them out in the desert ebb. Then she smacked him in the chest and yep, that was more like it.</p><p>"I can't believe you flew on an airplane before I did. I should have booked a flight for Paris the second you were back in the land of the living."</p><p>"You should go. I think it'd be good for all of us to get out of Roswell once in a while." He held onto her arm and eyes at the same time. "Just not yet."</p><p>"What? Why?" Isobel's eyes widened and she searched for answers in his face. "Why do you look so scared?"</p><p>"I'll tell you all about it on the drive." He turned to toss this bag into the backseat, but Isobel wasn't satisfied with that. She dug her nails into his arm and made him turn back to face her.</p><p>"Where are we going?"</p><p>He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He hadn't slept in almost twenty four hours and felt every second of it, but there wasn’t a moment to lose. "Out to the desert. But first we gotta go pick up Michael."</p><p>He didn't know why exactly, he just knew they'd need him for whatever they found. Even if they didn't, it was better this way. No more secrets, no more running off to investigate things solo. The three of them had been in this together since the beginning, were undoubtedly stronger together, and together was the best and only way forward.</p><p>Isobel let him go, the mask she liked to put on when she was scared but determined not to show it, sliding in place. "Well let's go, then."</p>
<hr/><p>The apartment was beautiful in a tasteful, sterile kind of way. Rosa would hate it. </p><p>Liz wanted so badly to call her little-big sister and ask her advice, or maybe just to ask her what the best method was for lighting the bland, carefully staged wall art on fire. But Rosa was finally on the right path and determined to stay on it and Liz couldn't be prouder. She wouldn't do anything to tempt her sister off course. </p><p>Besides, she already knew what Rosa would tell her to do about all of this and it was both destructive and highly illegal. Rosa's advice wouldn't help here, no matter how badly Liz wanted to hear her voice. And to tell her she had been right. That Max had been the perfect person to bring along on her road trip. Rosa would probably even approve of her and Max working things out and that just might be the weirdest thing to happen in an upside down, nightmare of a year. </p><p>The only advice Liz had to lean on was the handful of tips Max had left her with before they said goodbye. Keep her phone off any wifi networks, expect to be listened in on and watched at all times. Don’t trust anyone, but that went without saying. She couldn’t relax even for a second, not even in this elegant cage Genoryx had provided for her. </p><p>That was all fine, though. She might be alone, under scrutiny, and surrounded by liars, but none of that was going to faze Liz for a second. She had to do this. For Max and for herself. Besides, she always did work best under pressure. The sooner she got back to work, the sooner she could get back to Max and then they could start building a life they could both be happy with.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much for reading! I'm pretty nervous about venturing into a new fandom, so any kudos and comments would be majorly appreciated.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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